Nit!

That's Ezra's word for nursing, an activity he has engaged in anywhere from one (recently) to god only knows how many (newborn days) times a day for the past twenty-one months. Nursing has become playful now as Ezra says "nit!" with a gleam in his eye and asks for "udda-da" (other side) when he wants to switch sides. He also likes me to sing or say sing-songy words to him while he nurses and he imitates the sounds, all while nursing away. He will sometimes initiate games while nursing, such as hiding his hand under my arm, making the intonation we always do when something is hidden (think, "Where's the hand?", but without words) and then pulling it out with a smile.

Our nursing days are slowly winding down. For the first time ever a few nights ago, I put Ezra to sleep at night without nursing. I rocked him in the glider and sang to him while he snuggled on my chest. It was sweet, in a different way than nursing is sweet. And, for all the times I have felt literally and figuratively sucked dry by nursing; for the times I have just wanted to scream because I felt so trapped by nursing; for the searing, white hot pain of Ezra nursing while I had thrush - in spite of all of that, nursing is very, very sweet. I hope I remember for my whole life: how it feels to have Ezra's beautiful warm body pressed against mine while he nurses; the first time he popped off my breast, blew a raspberry onto my arm, laughed and then latched back on; the times when he would pop off the breast and smile up at me with milk dribbling out the side of his mouth (milk! that I made! wow.); looking down at my boy's gorgeous face while he nurses and stroking his creamy cheek, his small shoulder and downy back, telling him over and over that I love him.

I remember reading in the Sears Baby Book that repeated actions form grooves in babies' minds and that one of the most comforting and familiar (and well-worn!) grooves nursing babies have is the one of nursing. The groove is associated with pleasure, comfort and mother-love.

There is abundant research on the physical and emotional health benefits of nursing. My friend, C., who will soon be certified as a lactation consultant, describes breastmilk in passionate terms - "It's a living organism. It's tissue and white blood cells and nutrients. It changes in response to you baby's needs. It's like a meal of colorful, organic vegetables."

I am so happy to have been able to breastfeed Ezra and to give him (and me!) all the gifts that breastfeeding offers. These have been milky sweet days.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!


* * * * *

Everything I've written above is true - AND - breastfeeding can be really hard sometimes. Really, really hard. I had no idea. I wish I'd heard more about how hard it can be at first, as I was completely unprepared for the challenges. It can feel like your entire existence is spent with a baby sucking hard at your breasts. It feels claustrophobic, trapping, overwhelming and, sometimes, incredibly painful (don't even get me started on thrush). It is exhausting (on top of an already unbelievably exhausting time) and lonely. It makes you desperately thirsty and hungry and desperate to have an untouched body. Here are some things that helped for me or things that you can do to support breastfeeding moms or things I wish I had done or wish someone had done for me:

• When you see a mom with a young baby breastfeeding in public, smile at her. This goes a long way to making her feel comfortable and welcome. For many women, breastfeeding in public is a really challenging thing. It is important that moms feel comfortable breastfeeding in public for so many reasons - it's good for our cultural health and collective physical health that breastfeeding be seen as commonplace and normal; if moms don't feel comfortable nursing in public (NIP) they may stay home and feel isolated and trapped, or they may stop nursing.
• Offer nursing moms a glass of water. Nursing made me desperately thirsty and you are pretty much immobilized (until you master sling nursing or walking nursing) while nursing.
• In the early days, most moms who breastfeed on demand spend at least 8 hours (some days, I spent 15+ hours) nursing.  Before you sit down to nurse, try to gather what you need, so that you won't feel like a prisoner in the glider. Make sure you have: food, water, a phone, your laptop (wireless internet is a good thing for bf'ing moms), a view of your television, access to the radio, magazines...whatever makes you feel happy and entertained. Alot of women I know spent the whole 4th trimester nursing while watching tv shows they'd ordered from netflix - what a great idea. I wish I'd had netflix.
• I loved the My Brest Friend nursing pillow.
• If you are having any trouble, call a lactation consultant for help.
• Make sure you have lots of support - from your partner (I wish A. and I had taken the breastfeeding class that was offered in tandem with our childbirth class), from family and friends and, if you don't, seek it out - go to LLL meetings. As my midwife said to me, breastfeeding success is very dependent on the amount of breastfeeding support the new mama gets.
• Know that it's very hard at first, but it gets easier and easier.
•  Tell bf'ing mamas what a great job they are doing, what a good thing they are doing for their baby's health, how healthy and well-fed their baby looks. These comments go a long way when you're up at 2am and 4am nursing your baby for an hour.

What things helped you when you were a new breastfeeding mama? What do you wish you had known?

Comments

[Megan]

What a beautiful post - touching and forthright. I'm just getting to the point where I'm starting to really enjoy nursing Matilda (11 weeks), and I think you've nicely captured the sweetness and the difficulty.

[laura]

Fabulous post! I loved the first part because it reminded me of all of the tender moments that I'm trying hard not to forget about nursing Madeline, and I loved the second part because it's info like that that might make a difference in a new mom's attitude towards nursing and help her persevere!

[Diana]

What a lovely post!

I wish I'd had any idea how much nursing would hurt in the beginning. MUCH worse than active labor (for me). And four lactation consultants said our latch was perfect. I was very grateful for all the mamas around me who told me it would get better, and I'm so glad I stuck with it because it did.